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It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
Life is fun! You should get one.
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?