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There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
Sometimes I wish I was full of pizza instead of emotions.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.