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I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.