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Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
I can keep a secret… It’s all the other people I tell it to who can’t.