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Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?