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Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I`ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.