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I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.