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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.