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Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
Calling credit cards "a convenient alternative to cash" is like calling crystal meth a "diet substitute".
French people give me the crepes.
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.