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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
Sometimes I zone out and forget what Iām supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
Youth is wasted on the young.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.