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Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)