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Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
People always get offended when you call their baby ugly, but they never understand that they`ve offended you by showing you an ugly baby.
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
Don`t believe everything you think.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!