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I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?