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Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...