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First fart at my new job.
lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.