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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.