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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.