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I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
You say Iām not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If Iām not cold, Iām hot. I know Iām hot. Thanks for embracing it.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!