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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.