Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
There was a spider in my bathtub so I got a tissue and very carefully burned the house down.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it