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Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!