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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
If you don`t take 500 selfies a day, do you even love yourself?
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."