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Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
Doctor: How`s your headache? Me: She`s out of town.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.