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The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...