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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.