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“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."