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And then her mood ring just...exploded
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
facebooked yo mama!!!
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`