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Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
Ways to die: Steal my food.
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?