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Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
I want to sleep tighter
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.