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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.