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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.