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A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?