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I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
Unless my horoscope says, "You will dread going to work and will most likely masturbate," then it is a crock of sh*t.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.