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Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.