Daily Silly Status

I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.

They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.

At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?

At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it

My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.

Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.

My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.

After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.

Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun

I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"

My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.

I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.

She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.

I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.

Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes