Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.