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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
Save water- shower with me!
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.