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What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
Being normal is boring.
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.