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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
Just saw Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter... So that`s how it happened! I knew what I learned in history class was a bunch of crap!
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.