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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.