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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....