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I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
Life is fun! You should get one.
I forgot to post this earlier
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.