Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!