Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`
Back in my day we had 9 planets.