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If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.