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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!