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How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"