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I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone`s yelling, everything`s sticky, it`s the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes somewhere they
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.