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Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.