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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.