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I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
I grew up for this?
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.