Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.