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I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)