Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
Men, remember to re-stock the spiders this weekend so she remembers why she keeps you around.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.